It has been awhile! But, I was hiding, because I am ashamed!

Yes, I failed!! I look and feel like the kitty in the picture. Disappointed and fat. I feel so good about losing the weight and I say I can do it! go me! then I let it go all over again. What good did losing that 2lbs do  if I gained it back? I am so mad at myself. I think I need mental help. Not being funny at all! Dead serious! I am having serious with drawls. I have become moody and all I want to do is eat bad food and drink sodas. I am an evil person without my food drug. Why oh why oh why? I just want to be able to say NO!!!! It is very difficult. There are some people who may not understand that being morbidly obese is difficult. They think oh quit eating and exercise, you will be fine. It is beyond that point. I feel that without the food and the weight I am not happy. I somewhere along the way picked up this nasty habit that tells me, I am only happy when I eat. I wish I could explain how difficult it is to just ignore the cravings. I have failed and now must try again. The never ending battle of my weight. I do want to share a story before I go. Do you ever get out of your shower and turn away from the mirror? I do. One day I actually looked by accident. I looked and I wanted to throw up. How awful is that to want to throw from looking at yourself? I am such a gorgeous woman to be hiding behind these layers of excess flesh. I looked away fast. I wanted to cover all the mirrors in the house. I wish I could just snap my fingers and be thin. It is never that easy though. My body is tired of this baggage I seem to carry around for safe keeping, or security. I know, I know, I am a psychology student  and I am talking crazy talk. Maybe I should help myself! That is a good place to start.

As Always Thanks for Reading!

"I feel FAT!"

2lbs down and 29 more to go to be under 300!

Sorry this is a late post, but school must come first. Plus, I was being lazy! NOOOO! I have to confess that I did not do any exercising and I still ate some chocolate. I still lost 2 lbs. This is no joke! I weigh myself on my mom's scales the weekend before my diet and then again on Thursday 01/13/2011. I lost 2lbs. I was shocked. I really didn't do much cutting back other than my soda habit. It proves the theory that by not drinking so many sodas you can lose weight. I have been drinking more water. I did drink only one to two sodas a day. That may seem like a lot, but it is not compared to what I was drinking. That brings me to this weeks "Bad Habit Tell All." I would drink a 12 pack of sodas in 2 days. I could drink one then go pop a top and drink another. Sodas are my addiction. I tried on Monday to ween myself from sodas all together. I kid you not I went through with drawls as soon as I had my one soda, I promised myself, I felt like I drank a cup of crack. I was so happy and felt like I was on a high. That is just crazy how not drinking a soda can cause you to have with drawls like someone who is trying to stop using drugs. What do they put in that stuff? I am surprised I don't have bad kidney's because of the sodas I would drink. I could drink a 2-liter in one night. I would get 4 or more refills when we went out to eat. If I went to fast food places I would up size the soda and keep the fries small. Which in reality the soda was just as bad as the fries. So, I guess it is safe to say, MY NAME IS LISA GARVER AND I AM ADDICTED TO SODAS. I really have cut back. I miss my soda, but have forced myself to drink more water and then tea. I can only have one soda a day. So far so good. I am slowly making my way to a healthier me. I know it does not seem like much at this point, but with a little more hard work and some exercise, I think I could lose 5 to 8lbs a week. I have to take it slow at first. I am slowly pushing my bad habits back. I have given myself goals. First bad habit to break is drinking too many sodas. I will try to break this habit in three weeks. By breaking this habit I have to be able to go one day without a soda. Then I will only allow myself to have one soda a week. My next bad habit will be my fast food addiction. Man when you are over weight you sure do have a lot of  food addictions. I can do this and I am so glad all who read gets to experience this with me. I hope this blog does help women like myself who struggle with their food addictions. Now it is time to go lose more pounds. I hope you all have a wonderful week.

As always thanks for reading!

Sarah, a good friend of mine told me, "You have to fix the emotional issues, before you can fix your physical issues." She is right. If I fix my emotional eating disorder, I can fix my physical "weight" problem.

"2011: Time of Change"

I am morbidly obese. I weight 330lbs. Many people do not know that about me. I am very upset with myself. I want to kick my own butt for getting this fat. It is now 2011 and I still haven't done the things I wanted in life because of my weight. I am young and I can change now and enjoy the rewards later. Here is to 2011 and Change! I hope anyone who is wanting to change this year does so. Show everyone you are ready to start life over. I will keep you all posted every Friday on my journey. No holding back, you will all get the 411 on my journey to lose weight. Some days will be better than others. I am ready to lose the weight. My diet starts 01/10/2011. (My 28th Birthday!) My first goal is to lose 30lbs by 02/10/2011. I want to be 30lbs lighter by then so keep your fingers crossed and wish me luck.

"THANKS FOR READING"
 

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Philippians 4:13